Well, things aren't looking too shabby.
We've gotten the zombies trapped into a tent, using zombie paper. Ya'know, paper that attracts zombies, then causes them to get stuck on the floor.
We're on our way to Mr. Saturn Valley.
Wish us luck!
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Live Tonight! The Runaway Five!
Twoson's version of the Blues Brothers, The Runaway Five is a blues band that's just trying to make it, unfortunately, they're bound by contract to stay in Twoson. It's a lucky thing our hero is here to rescue them.
Buying them out of their contract, Ness frees them from the shackles of their horrible gig in Twoson, and now their rockin' tunes will take our heroes all the way to Threed.
Thank you Runaway-Five!
(btw, best characters in the game! HevyD personal favorite)
Buying them out of their contract, Ness frees them from the shackles of their horrible gig in Twoson, and now their rockin' tunes will take our heroes all the way to Threed.
Thank you Runaway-Five!
(btw, best characters in the game! HevyD personal favorite)
Paula: The girl with the bear...and psychic powers...
This pretty little number lives with her parents who own a pre-school. At least she did, happily, until one day she was abducted by an insane cult of blue KKK members. Despite her PSI powers, she just wasn't able to fend them off.
She used telepathy to contact our hero Ness. After being saved, instead of returning to her button down pre-school lifestyle, she decided to tag-along on Ness' journey. Maybe even, the eternal journey if you catch my drift.
She used telepathy to contact our hero Ness. After being saved, instead of returning to her button down pre-school lifestyle, she decided to tag-along on Ness' journey. Maybe even, the eternal journey if you catch my drift.
Rick Astley said it best...
I'm never gonna give you up, Earthbound. I know Poonzone already declared it a huge failure, but we're still chugging along. I even convinced Poon to play in Megatug's absence. He's asleep on the couch next to me, I think I have to wake him up soon. Tough luck, chump! I'm going to keep on rockin!
I tackled the controller yet again, this time taking out the evil leader of the happy happy village, a cult fanatic hellbent on making everything blue. I slapped him upside the head with my trusty dusty bat, and I saved a beautiful blond haired pre-teen named Poon(Paula)
What adventures will we get into next? Only time will tell!
I tackled the controller yet again, this time taking out the evil leader of the happy happy village, a cult fanatic hellbent on making everything blue. I slapped him upside the head with my trusty dusty bat, and I saved a beautiful blond haired pre-teen named Poon(Paula)
What adventures will we get into next? Only time will tell!
Not giving up
HevyD has yet to give up. Yet like Hitler in the Fuhrerbunker, the noose is getting tighter and tighter around his neck. I say he uses a gun, Dan says he will use pills, but we all know he will die laughing, laughing all the way to the end.
Failure #2
Dan has fallen asleep. I consider this his failure post also. Thats two down and one to go. HevyD will fall shortly. Like Hitler in his fuhrerbunker.
Failure
Due to poor planning, this whole mission to beat Earthbound was one complete failure. Dan and I have lost motivation to play the game. Dan because hes tired and I because I don't really know what the fudge I'm doing in this game.
HevyD handed me the controller after Onett, unfortunately I was way too tired to play the game whatsoever.
I ended up stumbling around Twoson like an asshole and got the bicycle and beat Everdred. Also I think I might've given some money to Apple Kid or something.
To be honest, the next part of the game, the area between Twoson and Happy Happy village is probably the most difficult point of the game for me, and it's probably best I don't handle this part in my current state of sleep deprivation.
I ended up stumbling around Twoson like an asshole and got the bicycle and beat Everdred. Also I think I might've given some money to Apple Kid or something.
To be honest, the next part of the game, the area between Twoson and Happy Happy village is probably the most difficult point of the game for me, and it's probably best I don't handle this part in my current state of sleep deprivation.
Hes gone too far
HevyD has gone too far, he invaded DanLand. Little does he know that my forces have come from behind to attack HevyDLand from behind. Death to D death to HevyDLand.
Towns of Earthbound: Onett
Onett: The First Town
Population: 3,500
Dogs: 2
Average Temp: 72 F
Annual Rainfall: 10"
Nestled in a northern meadow, Onett is a pleasant vilage with a small-town atmosphere that is relaxing at any time of year. Spring, summer, winter or fall, it makes a great place to get away from it all. When you visit, don't miss the crater south of town.
Population: 3,500
Dogs: 2
Average Temp: 72 F
Annual Rainfall: 10"
Nestled in a northern meadow, Onett is a pleasant vilage with a small-town atmosphere that is relaxing at any time of year. Spring, summer, winter or fall, it makes a great place to get away from it all. When you visit, don't miss the crater south of town.
Ness: Merely a Child
Earthbound's main character and protagonist, Ness, is a lovable scamp who walks around happily with a yellow backpack strapped to his back and a red cap firmly fitted to his oversized head.
Don't be fooled by his childish moniker and giddy smile, he's a fearsome beast. Dexterity and strength with wield a baseball bat with such power, and the ability to conjure up some pretty amazing magic abilities.
This young man takes out starmen and new age retro hippies like they're runaway dogs! With his bicycle and striped shirt, this young man will steal your heart and probably a cookie or two from you.
Don't be fooled by his childish moniker and giddy smile, he's a fearsome beast. Dexterity and strength with wield a baseball bat with such power, and the ability to conjure up some pretty amazing magic abilities.
This young man takes out starmen and new age retro hippies like they're runaway dogs! With his bicycle and striped shirt, this young man will steal your heart and probably a cookie or two from you.
Fools!
Fools! All of them! Taking a 10 minute break to watch the G.I. Joe videos. Morons.
Heh heh...porkchop sandwiches...I could go for one of those right now..
WHAT?! $9? Get outta here...
Heh heh...porkchop sandwiches...I could go for one of those right now..
WHAT?! $9? Get outta here...
I hate HevyD
HevyD has gone too far with his communist regime. He wont let me listen to the great rock classic...Cheeseburger in Paradise, because of this I will destroy him on the first rise of the moon.
Onett complete! The HevyD way!
The story begins as many of you SHOULD know, with our light hearted mute-boy protagonist, Ness. Of course, because I started the game, I got to name the characters. HevyD, Poon, Zone, and Tug. Clever, I know. It began as all games begin, throwing you right into the middle of the plot.
Wait no, it's not like that at all, in fact, it starts you off right at the beginning. A meteor attack! Investigate the meteor, of course! That's what I'll do, I slip out without even talking to my mother, and thus escape in my jammies! Huzzah!
I make the trek up to the top of the hill my house resides on, and what do you know. Cops everywhere. No matter that there clearly isn't enough space to get their cop cars up there.
I wander back home, explain what I saw to my mother, and head back up to bed.
..zzz..
Knocks at the door? What?! Who's knocking at this hour?! It's Pokey! My next door neighbor!
Ugh, this could go on for awhile. Make a long story short, I managed to uncover the true meaning of the meteor, it was a bee by the way, and save my next door neighbors brother. On my way back, I was assaulted by a starman jr.! Luckily, the bee was there to save us.
I won't bore you all with the details of Buzz Buzz's horrible death, but I will let you know that with powerful force, I took out the evil druglord Frank, managed to destroy a mechanical bee, and fought off the entire Onett police force, including Captain Strong.
It's been a glorious adventure so far, with the Megatug himself wandering through Twoson, I can only imagine what fun we'll have in this next town.
Until then...
Wait no, it's not like that at all, in fact, it starts you off right at the beginning. A meteor attack! Investigate the meteor, of course! That's what I'll do, I slip out without even talking to my mother, and thus escape in my jammies! Huzzah!
I make the trek up to the top of the hill my house resides on, and what do you know. Cops everywhere. No matter that there clearly isn't enough space to get their cop cars up there.
I wander back home, explain what I saw to my mother, and head back up to bed.
..zzz..
Knocks at the door? What?! Who's knocking at this hour?! It's Pokey! My next door neighbor!
Ugh, this could go on for awhile. Make a long story short, I managed to uncover the true meaning of the meteor, it was a bee by the way, and save my next door neighbors brother. On my way back, I was assaulted by a starman jr.! Luckily, the bee was there to save us.
I won't bore you all with the details of Buzz Buzz's horrible death, but I will let you know that with powerful force, I took out the evil druglord Frank, managed to destroy a mechanical bee, and fought off the entire Onett police force, including Captain Strong.
It's been a glorious adventure so far, with the Megatug himself wandering through Twoson, I can only imagine what fun we'll have in this next town.
Until then...
And it begins
You see, I wanted to play Jurassic Park for SNES. But this communist, "HevyD" said otherwise. He wants to rule the world with his republican ways. I say to hell with those tactics, we need to push and push towards the skies. And when the time is right, we strike Carpathia and kill all the Carpathians for they are the true enemy. Not us the men of the world with brains as large as basketballs. Oh yeah, did I tell you that I am but the greatest master of all people and that this land is my land but not yours. Moving on, Earthbound...more like Crazybound, too many commies in this game. Oh man, I can hear the voices in my head right now. Eating away at all my cells, I better hang on though, a bumpy road is ahead of my journey. Now onward and outward, inward, yet sidewards, up yet not down, float yet dont sink to greater lands and visions.
"Your average policeman is stronger than any superhero!"
- Cop, Onett
I've been sitting in front of this keyboard at a complete loss for the last ten or twenty minutes or so. My task at hand seems simple enough, as the subject material is something I've always felt I could self-indulgently prattle on about, but when it finally comes down to being able to write an appropriate introduction to a video game that irrefutably changed my life like Earthbound did, I feel a bit flustered as this game has become so much a part of me that writing an introduction to this game is almost like writing about the contents of my soul(hyperbolic, perhaps but fuck it). I suppose so I will begin with setting the scene.
It was one of those aimless, wasted days of my youth cerca 1995. School was out for the summer and unfortunately my inclination towards playing outside or throwing the ball around with the other kids outside was very low on my list of priorities, almost to the point of embarassment.
Actually, I suppose there is really no point in living in denial, I spent most of my childhood shamelessly cooped up in the basement of my parents house playing video games, but can you really blame me? I was living amidst a golden age that I was relatively oblivious about. The mid 90s were a time when one could close their eyes and pick a random RPG from the rental store and you'd pretty much be guaranteed an absolute classic. This was a time when companies like Squaresoft were putting out such classics as Final Fantasy III, Secret Of Mana, and Chrono Trigger, while Enix were putting out overlooked but still unbelievable classics such as Ogre Battle, Robotrek, and Illusion of Gaia. It was a time when the RPG genre was still just a niche, a conversation about them only seemed to be appropriately communicated with hushed whispers in only the most elitist of gaming circles. It was a time where Final Fantasy had yet to become a household name in the gaming community. Keeping all of this in mind, it still seems unbelievable that a game like Earthbound came and went through the gaming community with little to no fanfare. Sadly, it was a game I don't think North American audiences were quite ready for.
Nintendo, to their credit, poured a decent amount of effort into marketing this game as the game that would break the RPG market in America. Honestly though, I can't think of a less likely candidate to be a huge financial success. The game's sense of humor of off-kilter character design, dysfunctional monsters, and bizarre, fourth wall smashing dialogue were a treat to some but a headscratching anomaly to most. Despite the games realistic beginnings of wandering the streets of modern suburbia, there was always just something a little "off" in Earthbound's design. This was a game that's western appeal was merely skin deep, but what lay under the surface was just as distinctly Japanese as a poorly dubbed Godzilla flick, and had more or less the same amount of cult appeal.
Earthbound's charm cannot possibly be understated. It was without a doubt the most refreshing gaming experience my nine-year-old mind had been privileged too, and thirteen years later I've yet to find a game to even enter that same stratosphere. Even these days I still find myself coming back to Ness, Paula, Jeff, and Poo for a every couple years just like I would visit any old friend, and even though I've been playing it for over half my life, every time I come back I feel I've just experienced something life-changing and bewildering all over again.
I mean, what other game can simultaneously send chills down my spine and bring a tear to my eye?
- Cop, Onett
I've been sitting in front of this keyboard at a complete loss for the last ten or twenty minutes or so. My task at hand seems simple enough, as the subject material is something I've always felt I could self-indulgently prattle on about, but when it finally comes down to being able to write an appropriate introduction to a video game that irrefutably changed my life like Earthbound did, I feel a bit flustered as this game has become so much a part of me that writing an introduction to this game is almost like writing about the contents of my soul(hyperbolic, perhaps but fuck it). I suppose so I will begin with setting the scene.
It was one of those aimless, wasted days of my youth cerca 1995. School was out for the summer and unfortunately my inclination towards playing outside or throwing the ball around with the other kids outside was very low on my list of priorities, almost to the point of embarassment.
Actually, I suppose there is really no point in living in denial, I spent most of my childhood shamelessly cooped up in the basement of my parents house playing video games, but can you really blame me? I was living amidst a golden age that I was relatively oblivious about. The mid 90s were a time when one could close their eyes and pick a random RPG from the rental store and you'd pretty much be guaranteed an absolute classic. This was a time when companies like Squaresoft were putting out such classics as Final Fantasy III, Secret Of Mana, and Chrono Trigger, while Enix were putting out overlooked but still unbelievable classics such as Ogre Battle, Robotrek, and Illusion of Gaia. It was a time when the RPG genre was still just a niche, a conversation about them only seemed to be appropriately communicated with hushed whispers in only the most elitist of gaming circles. It was a time where Final Fantasy had yet to become a household name in the gaming community. Keeping all of this in mind, it still seems unbelievable that a game like Earthbound came and went through the gaming community with little to no fanfare. Sadly, it was a game I don't think North American audiences were quite ready for.
Nintendo, to their credit, poured a decent amount of effort into marketing this game as the game that would break the RPG market in America. Honestly though, I can't think of a less likely candidate to be a huge financial success. The game's sense of humor of off-kilter character design, dysfunctional monsters, and bizarre, fourth wall smashing dialogue were a treat to some but a headscratching anomaly to most. Despite the games realistic beginnings of wandering the streets of modern suburbia, there was always just something a little "off" in Earthbound's design. This was a game that's western appeal was merely skin deep, but what lay under the surface was just as distinctly Japanese as a poorly dubbed Godzilla flick, and had more or less the same amount of cult appeal.
Earthbound's charm cannot possibly be understated. It was without a doubt the most refreshing gaming experience my nine-year-old mind had been privileged too, and thirteen years later I've yet to find a game to even enter that same stratosphere. Even these days I still find myself coming back to Ness, Paula, Jeff, and Poo for a every couple years just like I would visit any old friend, and even though I've been playing it for over half my life, every time I come back I feel I've just experienced something life-changing and bewildering all over again.
I mean, what other game can simultaneously send chills down my spine and bring a tear to my eye?
The morning of....
Light trickled in through the windows as I awoke this glorious morning. I glanced over at the clock.
"11:30am, beautiful."
I hopped out of bed and began preparing for the afternoon's delights. Cooking, cleaning, preparing the television. This afternoon was the start of something big! Something I would need more soda for. Hopping into the car I couldn't help but wonder how insane the night's festivities would become, 3 sleep deprived men with one goal in mind, hopped up on soda and only one controller between the 3 of them.
The blog, of course! The blog would keep the others occupied!
The store was bustling, obviously everyone had gotten ready to stay up next to their laptops all saturday and keep an eye on us. I kept my head down so as to not attract any attention. For if word had gotten out that I, HevyD, was one of the men participating in this phenomenon, that was popular beyond belief, there would be absolute chaos.
Fortunately, nobody seemed to notice me, so I quickly ran to the soda section, piled as may 24 packs of mountain dew as I could onto the cart and ran full speed into the check-out.
I kept looking down at my feet as the cashier rung me out.
"Is there a problem sir?" the cashier said.
"Uh, no nothing, just, ring me out, okay?"
"I need to see some ID, the back of your credit card says see ID." Blasted wench! You know I'm trying to conceal my identity!
"FINE!" I shouted out at the top of my lungs.
"Yes! You've caught me!" Everyone's attention turned. "I AM HEVYD! AND TONIGHT! AS WELL AS MOST OF SUNDAY! I PLAN ON BEATING THE SUPER NINTENDO GAME EARTH BOUND IN ONE SITTING WITH THE MEGATUG AND POONZONE!"
The speach was less than well received and as a result I was thrown out of the store. But since they had already rung me out, I was able to obtain the Mountain Dew.
"Success!"
"11:30am, beautiful."
I hopped out of bed and began preparing for the afternoon's delights. Cooking, cleaning, preparing the television. This afternoon was the start of something big! Something I would need more soda for. Hopping into the car I couldn't help but wonder how insane the night's festivities would become, 3 sleep deprived men with one goal in mind, hopped up on soda and only one controller between the 3 of them.
The blog, of course! The blog would keep the others occupied!
The store was bustling, obviously everyone had gotten ready to stay up next to their laptops all saturday and keep an eye on us. I kept my head down so as to not attract any attention. For if word had gotten out that I, HevyD, was one of the men participating in this phenomenon, that was popular beyond belief, there would be absolute chaos.
Fortunately, nobody seemed to notice me, so I quickly ran to the soda section, piled as may 24 packs of mountain dew as I could onto the cart and ran full speed into the check-out.
I kept looking down at my feet as the cashier rung me out.
"Is there a problem sir?" the cashier said.
"Uh, no nothing, just, ring me out, okay?"
"I need to see some ID, the back of your credit card says see ID." Blasted wench! You know I'm trying to conceal my identity!
"FINE!" I shouted out at the top of my lungs.
"Yes! You've caught me!" Everyone's attention turned. "I AM HEVYD! AND TONIGHT! AS WELL AS MOST OF SUNDAY! I PLAN ON BEATING THE SUPER NINTENDO GAME EARTH BOUND IN ONE SITTING WITH THE MEGATUG AND POONZONE!"
The speach was less than well received and as a result I was thrown out of the store. But since they had already rung me out, I was able to obtain the Mountain Dew.
"Success!"
Friday, July 25, 2008
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